Mistress Mari, quite contrary

Just posted to Twitter:

Okay, Marisol, you’re the most crazy-making creature I know. After posting how we’re letting you go, a possible sighting? #marisolsearch

I’m tough, but I don’t know if I’m this tough. #marisolsearch

And then Andrew said:

This: RT @anindita: I’m tough, but I don’t know if I’m this tough. #marisolsearch

To expand on that: we got a possible sighting today — location is consistent with the possible 5/5 sighting. This isn’t a definite sighting — it was from a woman who was jogging in the Fells. An orange dog, about 25-lbs trotted past her. It was a little ragged, and she checked that it had a collar, and then she kept running, assuming it had an owner.

After her run, she saw one of the Fells signs and realized she hadn’t crossed paths with an owner in her 45 minute run, and she and the dog had been going in opposite directions. She wasn’t certain it was Mari, but she wanted to call just in case because the color and size matched, and she hadn’t run across anyone else. If it is Mari, she still has her collar, which is great. The caller had a top down view, so she didn’t notice tags.

Regarding other search/recovery methods: we have talked to the ARL and MAC about things like scaring Mari up by riding mountain bikes through trails and other scenarios (they’ve done all sorts of things in the past). There are conditions under which they’ll do this, but so far Mari’s mobility has been the limiting factor — she takes off and takes a long time to settle into a spot again. She isn’t like Daisy, taking off for miles in some direction, and she is sticking to a particular radius — the goal is not to disrupt that while getting close to her.

The toughest part about all this is the emotional roller coaster, and that’s what’s getting us right now — the weeks of not hearing anything and then a sliver of hope. We’ve talked to others who’ve lost dogs, as well as to our ARL & MAC support about the psychological part of lost dog searches, and how to decide when to call it… sometimes people stop looking because they stop getting sightings, or dogs keep moving and never settle and the rescue scenario’s too tough, and the owners have to make peace with that. Sometimes owners can’t handle the ups and downs anymore. That’s what we’re dealing with right now — how much of the roller coaster we can take. It’s been seven months to the day of getting riled up over a sighting and maybe getting close and then facing a blizzard or lack of sightings or thunderstorms and not hearing anything for weeks and wondering that whole time and then going through the cycle all over again. It’s not that we care about Mari any less or don’t want to do everything we can to bring her back, but the process is crazy-making. We’re tough, but we’re both hitting the limits of our toughness.

And of course everyone has an opinion: She’s gone, just deal. You need to let her go so you can move on with your life — you’ve already done everything you can. Set a deadline, like the end of the summer, and then stop. Try as long as there are sightings. Never stop.

There may never be a resolution to this, and that’s something we’re trying to deal with — not knowing and trying to figure out when/how to call it if we need to. We didn’t have sightings for a month, so we were about to call it, but now? How long do we go on?

Are we certain enough that this sighting was of Mari to set another feeding station? Are we certain enough that it isn’t her to stop? We’ll set something up just in case, of course, and as always hope for a positive outcome, but are we just prolonging the heartbreak? It’s a question we’re trying to work out for ourselves, and I think Andrew summed it up best in an email he sent me today after my follow up call:


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21 Responses to Mistress Mari, quite contrary

  1. beth hay says:

    God, I really can’t imagine what you guys are going through…I continue to pray for your family and give my Sammy extra kisses whenever I read your posts..hang in there!

  2. Donna says:

    Anindita and Andrew, you must do what is best for you!
    Prayers and thoughts as always!!

  3. Emily says:

    Wow! A possible sighting warms my heart….I can only try and understand what you both go through, and it really doesn’t matter what anyone else says about stopping the search, it’s personal… I have to say I am so glad you set something up for Marisol just in case :) . xx

  4. bellatrav says:

    The latest possible sighting is so encouraging! If you find the strength to keep going, Marisol’s Army is ready…

  5. Purly says:

    Sweet news and totally understandable exhaustion…if you gather the strength to rally the remote troops, please let us know how we can help. Meanwhile, hopefully Miss Pantaloons will make herself more visible. We’re hopeful out here on the Left Coast.

  6. T Wynne says:

    You’re the best folks she’s ever been with, and you’re doing everything possible. I’m sure that she knows she’s loved. Maybe she wants to be wild again. it’s up to her, really. And she’s a smart girl who knows what’s up.

  7. Susanne says:

    Now that the weather is nice and lots of people are running/walking through the Fells again, I wonder if it would help to set up a “PR blitz” for an entire Saturday, at all entrances to the park…. so that no one entering that day is unaware of Mari? (Seems like the last few people saw the posters after the sighting, and if there’s a way to let them know before it happens, you might get better data that the orange dogs are or aren’t Mari….) Just a thought… I can understand the rollercoaster of emotions…. but seems like the fat lady hasn’t sung yet :-)

  8. Abbie says:

    The Fells is such a huge area and many (I for one) would love to walk/jog in the general area of past sightings however just to go to an entrance and to start walking in an area Mari has never been seen near doesn’t make sense to me. If the “army” can do their walks in circles around or near past sightings it should make more of a difference. Suggestions from “the experts” don’t seem to have helped so let’s try something new?

  9. Gail says:

    Oh, my…what hopeful news, but indeed what a roller-coaster of emotions! Ay, Mari!! Thinking of you both, and as always watching and praying for Mari.

  10. Mary says:

    After your “Warm Weather” posting, I prayed extra extra hard for a new sighting. No one can know what you and Andrew are going through but you both & Mari are so much in our hearts & prayers. Just want to assure you that this member of Marisol’s Army (& I’m sure others) can never give up the search as long as there is any possibility that Marisol is still out there. And to hear that the dog in the recent sighting had a collar on, is very encouraging. So let’s all send out positive thoughts and EXPECT A MIRACLE :)

  11. Natalie says:

    I don’t know what you and Andrew are going thru’ Anita, but I can well empathize. I live in British Columbia, Canada and know that I am emotionally invested in the journey that you and Andrew are on. I believe that she will come home. But it’s not for me to say at what point you continue or stop. I just know what I believe.

    Even tho’ I have never met you and Andrew I feel like I have gotten to know you a li’l bit thru the postings. I feel as tho’ I’ve really gotten to know Marisol. What a sweet loving charachter of a pup!!!

    I wish I did live in your area so I could help. I’m too far away..but just know there are people out there from a long ways who are wishing you and Andrew well and feel very touched and invested in your emotional journey of finding Mari and that I faithfully follow your postings.

    Much luv and hope and lots of positive vibes

    from British Columbia, Canada :)

  12. Jan S, says:

    I am praying for all….I know this is so hard…

  13. Jan S, says:

    this weekend is Town day in lots of noise….but plenty of scents of food however we usually have fireworks…worried how Marisol will react!!!

  14. Jan S, says:

    Idea would it be helpful to be in area of fells when fireworks go off maybe she may run and hide? but maybe seen?

  15. paula says:

    i’m so sorry for your heartache. i can’t even imagine. i wanted you to know i just sent a prayer request to the national shrine of St Jude. i have been praying to St Anthony and St Francis and of course God. While reading this post St Jude popped into mind. i don’t know if you are familiar with St Jude but miracles abound. i will be praying to St Jude for a miracle. i believe .

  16. Sue says:

    It’s so easy for us all to have our opinions on what you should do and how you should feel, but none of us are you. None of our dogs are missing, and we haven’t had to go through what the two of you have gone through. When a pet dies, at least we have closure. We know they are not coming back to us and we are able to grieve, and say goodbye in our own time because we have to. I can only imagine that the not knowing is so much worse. You two have been through hell, and I’m so sorry.

    I have no advice, except to do what you think is right. I have a feeling that the most recent sighting WAS Mari, but of course I have no way to know that for sure.

    Please let us know if there is anything we can do. Hugs to you both.

  17. mindy says:

    I, too, have been following your search and was hysterical at your last post, and happy to hear of a sighting. My heart aches for you. It does seem as though, perhaps, the advice you have been following (not disclosing the location of the sightings) has not resulted in a recovered Mari and therefore, may not be working. Given the latest sighting, and that the location is consistent, what if, rather soon, you put together a plan of 1 or 2 volunteers at a time going into that area and quietly walking around for an hour or so? And doing this consistently for a day or so? I understand not wanting to flood the location, hence, not telling everyone so well meaning Mari army members scare her, but what bout taking volunteers and sort of sending them out; 1 or 2 at a time, to trek around quietly and see what they see? Seems like she pops up when people are just roaming around so sort of like time releases roamers? May at least drum up more sightings?

  18. Heather H. says:

    I like some of the recent comments that one person 0r two – with common sense- could do a walk around a promising area especially with a calm friendly dog. I

  19. Heather H. says:

    I like some of the recent comments that one person 0r two – with common sense- could do a walk around a promising area especially with a calm friendly dog. I also looked up the orienteering group and the geochaching group to see if they have any meetups scheduled for the fells- they are local groups. These are people who are not staying on the trails but could be aware of Mari or any clues of her. Please sign me up for any future walks and forever lookouts. Sometimes – simpler and” non-expert” ideas work out. Do not give up but maybe handing over blogs or notes to a trusted friend might help you both and let some of us “strangers” help also.

  20. Anonymous says:

    r u all fucking handi capped its dead

    • Sherry Weiland says:

      Whoever you are Anonymous you’re a sick person and too ashamed of your own stupidity to write an actual name.

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